THE BIRTH OF OPHELIA CATHERINE
The morning of Wednesday, April 10th, I woke up anxiously remembering that I could have my baby any day now. When I logged in to work remotely for the day, my coworkers once again asked “where’s that baby of yours?” and “we’re happy to see you, but why are you still here?”
“She’s just so cozy in there!” I would joke. “I guess I made it too comfy.” At almost 41 weeks along, I was very aware that time was ticking. I’d been ready and waiting for her arrival for weeks at that point, but I also knew it was a game of patience because I wanted her to come when she was ready.
Soon after I started my work day, I began experiencing period-like cramps. They were light and not bothersome, so I mostly ignored them, thinking it was just another part of late pregnancy. After a couple of hours of shifting positions and sitting on my birth ball, I tried to time my cramps—what I didn’t realize were contractions at the time—to see if I was in early labor, but they were too inconsistent to find any sort of pattern. Knowing that women can be in early labor for a long time, I tried to put the idea that my baby might be coming soon out of my head so I wouldn’t be disappointed.
When my work day ended at 4pm, my husband, Michael, helped me make homemade soft pretzels, a snack I’d been craving for a while. As we ate our pretzels fresh out of the oven, I could feel the cramping getting stronger, so Michael suggested we go for a walk to see if that would help. We went for a mile-long walk, and by the time we got back to our house that evening, I realized something had changed. The cramps were much more intense and I was getting uncomfortable. Having been in contact with our doula, Grayce, all day, she advised me to go ahead and reach out to the midwife on call to let her know what was going on. When Jenni answered, she suggested that I continue to “do life until I can’t anymore,” encouraging me to labor at home for as long as possible and get some rest.
“She suggested that I continue to “do life until I can’t anymore”...”
After the call, I took a shower to try and relax, but that was when I realized I wasn’t going to be resting much that night. The cramps were so intense that I had to stop multiple times to breathe through them. After my shower, Grayce and I FaceTimed at 8:55pm so she could better see my pain levels as each wave hit, then offered to come over to our house and sit with me. She arrived around 10pm and we sat and talked as she timed my contractions, and within a half hour, she determined it was time for us to head to the birth center. She called Jenni back to alert her that we were heading out while I went and got Michael, who was laying down on our bed, attempting to get a short nap in. But he was also anxious about what was happening, so he didn’t fall asleep and was immediately up and ready when I told him it was time to go.
Michael laid a soft blanket on the backseat of the car for me to sit on and we tossed in our bag. Soon we were on our way to the Birth Center, about an hour and fifteen minutes away, Grayce following close behind. We had to drive through rain (April showers!), but the lateness of the evening meant that the roads were mostly clear. I held onto the back of Michael’s headrest and practiced deep breathing each time a contraction came. I held onto a cotton ball Grayce had dabbed peppermint oil on and held it close to my nose during contractions, giving me something pleasant to smell and take my mind off the pain.
About halfway through the drive, my contractions got much more intense and it was at that point that I turned on my phone GPS for the Birth Center. It’s an easy drive that we knew by heart, but I needed to see exactly how long we had left to go, counting down the minutes remaining after each contraction. Michael played our favorite podcast that we would listen to on our drives to and from the baby checkup appointments, so while the sound of the hosts’ voices were familiar and comforting to me, I couldn’t really focus on the story they were telling.
I was so relieved when we finally pulled in; it was at that point that I knew I was safe, I was where I needed to be, this was really happening, and I wouldn’t be having a car baby! Grayce and Michael came to my aid to help me out of the car, but right as they opened the door, a strong contraction hit, so I couldn’t move during it. I will never forget how patient and loving they were, waiting calmly in the rain for my contraction to end before helping me on my short walk to door.
We arrived shortly before midnight and Jenni greeted us at the back door. She immediately led me into the birthing suite that she had prepared for us, and I remember being surprised at how quiet, calm, and relaxed her voice was and how it was so soothing and made me feel safe. The room was softly lit with lamps and felt incredibly cozy and peaceful. While Jenni listened to my baby’s heartbeat when I was resting and again when a contraction came, Grayce set up an oil diffuser and put relaxing music on. Michael quietly and tenderly held me through each contraction. During a break, I pulled out a hair tie and start to put my hair in a French braid, stopping halfway down when a contraction hit. Grayce took over and finished my braid before it fell out, and it was so nice to have her take over and know exactly what to do when I couldn’t speak or do it myself.
“Michael held me through each contraction”
-Mama
Soon after, we went to the shower, where I sat on a birth ball while Michael and Grayce took turns pouring water over my belly with the handheld shower head. I continued to practice deep breathing and internally repeated affirmations that worked best for me:
Your body was made to do this.
You are safe.
You can do anything for 90 seconds.
Each contraction is one step closer to meeting your baby.
When a contraction came, I shifted my focus to relaxing the rest of my body and not tensing up. Anytime she saw my body get rigid and tight, Grayce massaged my shoulders and stroked my face, silent reminders to release the unnecessary tension in my body and to just let the only muscle that needs to tense up, my uterus, do the work. It made my contractions so much more bearable and easier to deal with as each wave hit. I remember imagining each contraction as a bright light, like a star in my body’s universe, and that I needed to just allow that light to get brighter and brighter and not try and dim it or make it go away. The stronger the contractions and the brighter the light got in my mind, the closer I was to meeting my star—my baby.
“ The stronger the contractions and the brighter the light got in my mind, the closer I was to meeting my star—my baby.”
Eventually, I moved around in different positions, going onto a mat and birthing ball on the floor, leaning against Michael on the bed, and eventually ending up in the tub, which had been filled with warm water. At one point, I asked what time it was, and there was a joking response of “don’t worry about it.” I’m glad that was the answer, because I think knowing how much time had passed—whether a lot or a little—would have gotten to my head and make me wonder if I was progressing as I should. After laboring in the tub for a little while, Jenni and Grayce encouraged me to try laboring on the toilet (a.k.a. the “dilation station”, since our pelvic floor naturally relaxes while on the toilet) to see if I could get the pushing stage started. I kept joking between contractions that I didn’t want to have a toilet baby, and they assured me that wouldn’t happen. And, wow…they don’t call it the “dilation station” for nothing! Once I sat backwards on the toilet seat, I immediately felt the strong urge to push and sat through three contractions before going back into the tub to continue pushing.
I was told many times that when a laboring mom says “I can’t do this anymore”, that’s when you know she’s really close. I’m not sure if I ever said those words out loud, but I definitely thought them, and my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest with each urge to push. I do remember asking if I would die of a heart attack, to which I was calmly reassured that that was not going to happen, everything I was feeling was completely normal and expected, and to keep going.
Finally, at one point, I turned around in the tub, from leaning against the side to a more open position, and that’s when it got really intense. Jenni announced that the baby’s head was coming out and encouraged me to reach down and touch the baby’s head so I could feel more motivated. I didn’t need much motivation—I was so ready for baby to be out! I wanted to reach down, but I was in a lot of pain at that point and afraid to let go. Jenni began helping me with pushing by counting down from 10, which gave me something else to focus on and a goal to make it to 1. Out of breath, in pain, and exhausted, I exclaimed that I could feel the ring of fire.
Eventually, baby’s head was out and she was facing down, and Jenni proclaimed, “Next contraction and you’re going to have a baby, okay?” I remember hearing that and just feeling so relieved that my baby was so close to being here and for these intense sensations to finally be over, but I also willed myself to be patient and let my body take over and do what it needed to do naturally and not rush it before it’s ready.
Jenni asked if I was getting a contraction yet, but the surge wasn’t there yet, so everyone patiently waited. The wait didn’t last long—within a few seconds, I could feel the wave coming and the light burning brighter and brighter, so I announced that I was ready, then braced and pushed.
After two intense pushes and in one magical moment, one incredible sensation of both immense pain and pressure immediately followed by incredible relief, Ophelia was born! She came into the world at 4:43am, about five hours after we had arrived. Jenni helped turn her around in the water as I reached down and pulled her up to me. My first words to Ophelia were “I’m so proud of you.” Ophelia and I truly worked as a team and she did such a fantastic job; I couldn’t have asked for a better birth and was so thankful that she allowed me to bring her into this world in this way. I held her sticky, waxy body on my chest in the water, her little beady eyes looking up at me, blinking and confused. Just 24 seconds after she first felt air, we heard her little wails and I pulled her even closer. I felt an immense amount of relief to have her safe in my arms and for my body to finally get the break it needed.
“My first words to Ophelia were “I’m so proud of you.” ”
After I delivered the placenta, Michael got settled in bed and did skin-to-skin contact with her while Jenni, Grayce, and the nurse, Amanda, got me comfortable and taken care of. It was at that point that I took my first pain medication—a couple of Ibuprofen—and learned of the time, that it was after 5am. I was shocked because I had no clue that so much time had passed since our arrival. I couldn’t believe that I had labored all through the night and it was almost morning!
The next few hours flew by quickly, and soon it was after 7am. I thought about how everyone was getting ready for a regular Thursday workday, just as I would have done, but instead I just experienced the most life-changing event. An hour later, my parents arrived, and I was so glad they came because although they were completely supportive, I knew that not having a traditional hospital birth worried them. It was so important to me that they saw where their first grandchild, their beautiful granddaughter, was born and how safe, calm, and overall amazing the facility was. They felt immediately at ease and comfortable; there were no loud voices in the hallway, no beeping of monitors, no buttons, no bright fluorescent lights, no cold, lonely rooms.
Before I knew it, I was in a fresh set of comfortable clothes and we were dressing and loading Ophelia’s tiny body in her car seat, the one I had envisioned her sitting in for months. She was so tired, and Michael and I realized once we were in the car that it was 10:30am and we had been up for over 27 hours at that point, with still more to go for our drive home. I have never in my life felt so much exhaustion, fatigue, and adrenaline at the same time. Although Michael encouraged me to try to sleep on the drive home, I couldn’t stop looking at Ophelia’s beautiful face, touching her cheeks and letting her wrap her tiny fingers around mine. I couldn’t believe that my bright light, my star, was finally here and with us. Every contraction and wave, every incredible sensation, every intense push, every heart-pounding moment was worth it to have this perfect little being finally with us.
